"Or some Russian site while following obscure links to historical Stalingrad pics."
Stop downloading historical Stalingrad porn, lol.
cue dodgy russian type porn background music,
"ah comrade, i see you are admiring my kalashnikov, isnt it a splendid example of glorious soviet superiority"
"its very impressive my dear, but if you think that is impressive, then why not slip out of that fur coat and pop outside for a little glasnost in my t34"
scene moves to a snowy outdoor set
"would you like to see my perestroikas"
"yes, they look very impressive, now pop up here and sit on my turret whilst i raise my weapon"
"niet my friend, not this week, the red army's in"