How orften do I get one in? Rarely, if ever. Yesterday, though, was a classic 'should-have'. And I thought of it as I was it was happening, Did not use it, though, for fear of reprisals.
My 'should-have' moment:
There is a woman at work. I have christened her RoboSec. She is RoboSec because she is... so RoboCop-like - and she is also a secretary. Hence: RoboSec. The guys like the moniker RoboSec. It fits. You have rarely met someone so inhuman, so 'perfect', so android.
On a personal level she never talks to the guys in my department, unless she wants something. If you say 'hello' to her she will generally ignore you. If she wants something from you, she will 'switch on', engage, the smile will become wider, the 'niceness' will become 'nicer': "Howareyouguystoday? Whatalovelyday" etc etc nicey nicey fuckoffbollocks. Then she will ask for what she really wants - before fucking off.
You would see through her.
Yesterday, on my day in work, between Christmas and the New Year, I was walking the office. I walked passed RoboSec. She looked at me, tilting her cyborg head to one side, big grin and said: "Howareyou? HaveyouhadaniceChristmas?"
Immediately put on the backfoot, my first thought (in perfect, Queen's English, Miss Blenehassitt mode): "What... do you want?"
Would not have gone down well, had she made a complaint.
"Will we never be set free?"