how often do you get one in?

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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by Withwine and I » Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:18 pm

I get mixed up with my mouth roofs, aerobic exercises, Roman prefects and artists boards, especially when I've had a few.
They found him wandering round Regent's Park with a cheap bottle of sherry...

And like a fool I mixed them and it strangled up my mind, and now people just get uglier and I have no sense of time...
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by bastard behind the eyes » Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:07 am

Very good.
Ever had a problem with one-legged, eye-patched, parrot-carrying hearties or aeroplane drivers?
Japs have problems with these. Are you a Nip?
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by The Purveyor » Fri Dec 31, 2010 7:58 pm

How orften do I get one in? Rarely, if ever. Yesterday, though, was a classic 'should-have'. And I thought of it as I was it was happening, Did not use it, though, for fear of reprisals.

My 'should-have' moment:
There is a woman at work. I have christened her RoboSec. She is RoboSec because she is... so RoboCop-like - and she is also a secretary. Hence: RoboSec. The guys like the moniker RoboSec. It fits. You have rarely met someone so inhuman, so 'perfect', so android.

On a personal level she never talks to the guys in my department, unless she wants something. If you say 'hello' to her she will generally ignore you. If she wants something from you, she will 'switch on', engage, the smile will become wider, the 'niceness' will become 'nicer': "Howareyouguystoday? Whatalovelyday" etc etc nicey nicey fuckoffbollocks. Then she will ask for what she really wants - before fucking off.

You would see through her.

Yesterday, on my day in work, between Christmas and the New Year, I was walking the office. I walked passed RoboSec. She looked at me, tilting her cyborg head to one side, big grin and said: "Howareyou? HaveyouhadaniceChristmas?"

Immediately put on the backfoot, my first thought (in perfect, Queen's English, Miss Blenehassitt mode): "What... do you want?"



Would not have gone down well, had she made a complaint.
"Will we never be set free?"
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by The Purveyor » Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:06 pm

The punchline (if you can call it that): she did not actually want anything.
"Will we never be set free?"
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by McFuck » Sat Jan 01, 2011 7:28 am

"getinthebackofthevan!"
Don't attempt anything without the gloves.
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by HE Bates » Sun Jan 02, 2011 1:26 pm

The Purveyor wrote: [Robosec] looked at me, tilting her cyborg head to one side,...


That was funny.

Good thing you didn't use your quote. It would have been a dreadful mistake.
...drinking cider, discussing butter
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by The Purveyor » Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:34 pm

"All this is a mistake. I tell you. This is a dreadful mistake."
"Will we never be set free?"
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by TravellingTinker » Fri Oct 26, 2012 7:57 pm

Hi everyone. I've returned to society and I'm tossing my orb about.

Once at a friend's daughter's birthday party I was assigned the task of serving wine to all the ghastly mothers of the daughter's friends. Let's just say they were beastly ungrateful swine and leave it at that. Anyway, a plethora of uncoordinated glassware was handed to me and the wine was poured.

"I trust .. their shapes .. will not offend .. your palates!" I announced to the assembled swine in my best Monty voice. The ensuing blank looks were among the blankest I have ever encountered.

But I didn't give a fuck :lol:
I've been into his room. He won't hear a thing.
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by McFuck » Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:40 pm

welcome back Tinker! did you go on holiday by mistake? nice to see you again :high:
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by TravellingTinker » Fri Oct 26, 2012 9:54 pm

:beer: Cheers McFuck. Nice one. And yes, think I must've...
I've been into his room. He won't hear a thing.
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by jeff wode » Thu Mar 07, 2013 10:37 pm

We went to see the poet John Cooper Clarke the other week, and amidst his ramblings he was doing a voice of someone he met and it was pure Danny, but at the end he slipped into the chat 'are you a sponge or a stone' I wonder who in the crowd go the reference.
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:01 pm

Not technically me getting one in [oo-er missus], but I got a text at 1am the other night at the exact moment I'd suddenly just woken up that said 'I know you're not asleep boy!'. In my drunk mind I got massively paranoid that I was about to be raped by Uncle Monty [what the hell, I'm not even his type] and that I was being watched [how did they know I'd just woken up at that exact moment?! :shock: ].

I hid under the duvet with Socks until morning, it was funny once I'd sobered up. :roll:
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by Withwine and I » Mon Apr 01, 2013 3:19 pm

Who sent that? I'm sure Socks would protect you.
They found him wandering round Regent's Park with a cheap bottle of sherry...

And like a fool I mixed them and it strangled up my mind, and now people just get uglier and I have no sense of time...
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Re: how often do you get one in?

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Mon Apr 01, 2013 4:04 pm

Just someone I know. Who looks like Marwood due to his hair. :lol:
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