day one of unemployment

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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by oomska » Tue Jul 30, 2013 12:56 am

:lol: :lol: :thumbup:

Never, in all my years, have I encountered such cruel and foul-minded perversity .... Have you ever considered a career in the church? :P
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by McFuck » Tue Jul 30, 2013 4:59 pm

poppymoon wrote:So....is NO ONE going to say anything about Prince George Pointy Cone-Head?

Blimey, you lot are too cool for school!


so the royal reptiles spawned another useless twat? big deal. some of us have REAL problems.
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Tue Jul 30, 2013 6:38 pm

oomska wrote: :lol: :lol: :thumbup:

Never, in all my years, have I encountered such cruel and foul-minded perversity .... Have you ever considered a career in the church? :P


That's a compliment right? Fuck it, I'm taking it as one. :D

A career in the church might suit me well, all the communion wine I could drink and the added bonus of having to do sod all.
I could be like Sister Assumpta, helping weak priests keep their lent vows with the aid of a pistol and a fierce attitude. Until I gave into the temptation of chocolate and was found with my bloomers on show and chocolate smeared all over me, and dismissed from my post.

I quite like me in all black. Also, too lazy to photoshop neatly. Overall, I think the rosary beads suit me...

Image

I look really unimpressed. Because seriously, today has just been one of those days that very well may make me leave for a life in the holy house of God.

I'm snorting with laughter way too much at me as a nun. It's times like these I wonder what I'm doing with my life.
Last edited by Ellietronic on Wed Jul 31, 2013 2:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Withwine and I » Tue Jul 30, 2013 6:50 pm

Bishops today are too wishy-washy. They should eat more babies.
They found him wandering round Regent's Park with a cheap bottle of sherry...

And like a fool I mixed them and it strangled up my mind, and now people just get uglier and I have no sense of time...
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Tue Jul 30, 2013 8:55 pm

I look ugly as fuck in my nun outift. Maybe if I feasted on babies I'd look better and not so tired from work and life. Their blood would keep me young.
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Withwine and I » Wed Jul 31, 2013 1:34 am

You don't look ugly as fuck. Eating babies is a lifestyle choice, not a beauty regimen.
They found him wandering round Regent's Park with a cheap bottle of sherry...

And like a fool I mixed them and it strangled up my mind, and now people just get uglier and I have no sense of time...
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Wed Jul 31, 2013 2:45 am

I don't think I could eat a baby really. I'd rather have a nice fat sausage or some beans on toast.
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by oomska » Wed Jul 31, 2013 9:14 am

Nice, I never thought a Proper Nun could improve my shit working day, thanks for that, reminds me of Kate Winslet when she gave out her worldly advice in Extras ... right I will see your Mary magdelene experience and raise you Jesus 2 ... just after having his Ready Brek ... Caution I may contain Voodoo properties and a trace of nuts.

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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Wed Jul 31, 2013 11:04 am

Glad to have made a difference to your working day, Sister Ellie is always here to help the needy and the poor inbetween praying and organising church summer fetes. :thumbup:

:lol: Your pic has just made me snort into my breakfast cuppa. Nice shorts Jesus, no wonder you keep having trouble with botty invaders if you're always stood with your legs wide open, that's just going to invite trouble. I do like the nuclear glow you've achieved, very fancy. If you ever appear in front of me in some sort of religious vision I'll make sure to get on my knees... and pray. What did you think I was going to say? :wink: :roll:

Wasn't Mary Magdalene Jesus' prostitute girlfriend? I'll have you know this nun is as pure as snow and has never had a Magdalene experience, I even have my big iron chastity knickers on under my nun dress. :P
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by oomska » Sat Aug 03, 2013 1:15 am

Ellietronic wrote:

:lol: Your pic has just made me snort into my breakfast cuppa. Nice shorts Jesus, no wonder you keep having trouble with botty invaders if you're always stood with your legs wide open, that's just going to invite trouble. I do like the nuclear glow you've achieved, very fancy. If you ever appear in front of me in some sort of religious vision I'll make sure to get on my knees... and pray. What did you think I was going to say? :wink: :roll:


I think I got it slightly wrong about being Jesus 2, on quiet reflection I have relegated myself to a level 3 Jesus, Brian easily holds on to the No 2 spot .. you see I think I would end up being more like gods illegitimate bastard Jesus who was kicked out of the family long ago for breaking tradition because I had embraced the fine art of turning water into hard narcotics, also using my hereditary powers to play and win at the local late night poker sheds then spending all the dodgy Shekels in high class brothels that's if I can find the key to this damn itchy belt.. well what do you expect I am only a low ranking deity. :thumbdown:

Ellietronic wrote:
Wasn't Mary Magdalene Jesus' prostitute girlfriend? I'll have you know this nun is as pure as snow and has never had a Magdalene experience, I even have my big iron chastity knickers on under my nun dress. :P


Ahh my religious knowledge is a bit rubbish, I see I will have to discuss this subject in depth with Mel Gibson over a pork pie and a pint ... though we all should relate to, understand and forgive the chocolate / sex temptation thing, after all he was only Jesus, not a miracle worker .. word of warning ... don`t rely on the iron clad pants they wont give you any protection as the modern day Jesus in this techy age could easily carry out his cheeky immaculate conception via bluetooth ... not as much fun but he is on an unlimited free monthly data tariff :shock:


With your Nunnery talents you would be marvelous at any Ted-fest gathering I can just see the fans grasping their bits of wood with both hands and waving it in the air in excited anticipation at Sister Ellie`s arrival and as a bonus you could enter the loverly girrells competition. :thumbup:

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I just read that back to myself and thought, he needs help :wink: :roll: :beer:
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:02 pm

oomska wrote:I think I got it slightly wrong about being Jesus 2, on quiet reflection I have relegated myself to a level 3 Jesus, Brian easily holds on to the No 2 spot .. you see I think I would end up being more like gods illegitimate bastard Jesus who was kicked out of the family long ago for breaking tradition because I had embraced the fine art of turning water into hard narcotics, also using my hereditary powers to play and win at the local late night poker sheds then spending all the dodgy Shekels in high class brothels that's if I can find the key to this damn itchy belt.. well what do you expect I am only a low ranking deity. :thumbdown:


Don't forget though, Brian wasn't the messiah, he was a very naughty boy. :lol:

So like the Holy Stone of Clonrichert, you need to get some priests and bishops out to bless you and upgrade you to a class two Jesus again. Sister Ellie would be glad to attend, swinging the incense over you, I'll bring all the other young busty nubile nuns I can find with me but you'll have to provide your own refreshments after the ceremony as there's nothing nuns like as much as tea and a nice sausage roll or two after doing their religious duty. Don't forget the cake and fine wine too. ;)
Also your powers of turning water into suspect liquids might come in useful as some mental person went through my room last night and found my secret bottle of Jack Daniels hidden in my knicker drawer ,and they poured it down the fucking sink. So Jesus 2, if you could replace that for me I'd be eternally grateful.


oomska wrote: word of warning ... don`t rely on the iron clad pants they wont give you any protection as the modern day Jesus in this techy age could easily carry out his cheeky immaculate conception via bluetooth ... not as much fun but he is on an unlimited free monthly data tariff :shock:


Blimey, thanks for the warning. I will have to get some special kind of electrical forcefield pants instead, I hope they'll protect me from any bluetooth holy bits probing around. :lol:


oomska wrote: With your Nunnery talents you would be marvelous at any Ted-fest gathering I can just see the fans grasping their bits of wood with both hands and waving it in the air in excited anticipation at Sister Ellie`s arrival and as a bonus you could enter the loverly girrells competition. :thumbup:


Haha I think that picture is the nicest thing anyone has done for me recently. :lol:
I would love to enter the lovely girls competition, I will have to buy a lovely dress in preperation and practise my lovely laugh, as my current laugh sounds like a hyena being strangled. Also I will have to work on my joke telling, as a lovely girl would probably never make jokes about iron chastity knickers and happiness dragons being buggered. So as long as they never find out how pervy I really am, I might have a shot at winning.

oomska wrote:I can just see the fans grasping their bits of wood with both hands and waving it in the air...


Your euphemism is showing. :lol:

Blimey, this is all turning into quite an ecumenical matter.
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by oomska » Thu Aug 08, 2013 12:42 am

Ellietronic wrote:
Don't forget though, Brian wasn't the messiah, he was a very naughty boy. :lol:

So like the Holy Stone of Clonrichert, you need to get some priests and bishops out to bless you and upgrade you to a class two Jesus again. Sister Ellie would be glad to attend, swinging the incense over you, I'll bring all the other young busty nubile nuns I can find with me but you'll have to provide your own refreshments after the ceremony as there's nothing nuns like as much as tea and a nice sausage roll or two after doing their religious duty. Don't forget the cake and fine wine too. ;)
Also your powers of turning water into suspect liquids might come in useful as some mental person went through my room last night and found my secret bottle of Jack Daniels hidden in my knicker drawer ,and they poured it down the fucking sink. So Jesus 2, if you could replace that for me I'd be eternally grateful.


Haha with that bizarre scenario of Nun lust temptation that you have just implanted in my mind :oops: .. definately yes, sod it I can be easily led to the promised land and be elevated back to a level 2 jesu` though I hope the job is not going to get too preachy and also as of late I have developed an unusual aversion to Vinegar and flat headed nails, so maybe I will have to do 40 days and nights probation first to see if the job suits me .... after the successful Jesu` 2 incantation all the exhausted Nuns can go and relax at the local picnic area and chat in depth about Donkeys. cassock weaving, fiddlesticks and the latest design in Stealth candles. :mrgreen:

Ellietronic wrote:Blimey, thanks for the warning. I will have to get some special kind of electrical forcefield pants instead, I hope they'll protect me from any bluetooth holy bits probing around. :lol:


:lol: :lol:

Ellietronic wrote:Haha I think that picture is the nicest thing anyone has done for me recently. :lol:
I would love to enter the lovely girls competition, I will have to buy a lovely dress in preperation and practise my lovely laugh, as my current laugh sounds like a hyena being strangled. Also I will have to work on my joke telling, as a lovely girl would probably never make jokes about iron chastity knickers and happiness dragons being buggered. So as long as they never find out how pervy I really am, I might have a shot at winning.

Dont forget to practice your lovely girrells walk around the ultra difficult traffic cone obstacle course, it could mean the difference between winning or losing that slap up meal at Mrs Miggin`s pie shop, though if I could be the judge I might be a bit biased towards the one that laughs at and tells the most pervy jokes. :thumbup:

Ellietronic wrote:Your euphemism is showing. :lol:


Sorry about that .. stupid zip is busted on me jeans :wink:
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:37 pm

oomska wrote:Haha with that bizarre scenario of Nun lust temptation that you have just implanted in my mind :oops: .. definately yes, sod it I can be easily led to the promised land and be elevated back to a level 2 jesu` though I hope the job is not going to get too preachy and also as of late I have developed an unusual aversion to Vinegar and flat headed nails, so maybe I will have to do 40 days and nights probation first to see if the job suits me .... after the successful Jesu` 2 incantation all the exhausted Nuns can go and relax at the local picnic area and chat in depth about Donkeys. cassock weaving, fiddlesticks and the latest design in Stealth candles. :mrgreen:


Great, well your probation will be working in the nun convent for 40 days and nights. If you can keep your pervy thoughts of nun lust to yourself and make yourself useful for over a month, we'll all restore you back to a level 2 Jesu [provided we don't find any weird white Jesus-holy-ghost type ectoplasm around the place]. Your main jobs will be making the beds, stacking the bibles, ironing our chastity knickers and nun hats, pouring my wine, and polishing all the candle-sticks [make sure you get a good firm grip of them with both hands and slowly polish them up and down]. ;) :lol:

After that we'll upgrade you and you can be free to be a Jesus 2 again. But try to keep your bluetooth holy bits to yourself, we don't need any more holy conceptions around here. :lol:


ooksma wrote: Dont forget to practice your lovely girrells walk around the ultra difficult traffic cone obstacle course, it could mean the difference between winning or losing that slap up meal at Mrs Miggin`s pie shop, though if I could be the judge I might be a bit biased towards the one that laughs at and tells the most pervy jokes. :thumbup:


I've been practising my walk around the traffic cones and while it is not easy in my favourite five inch glittery heels, I'm getting there. My pervy joke telling skills are pretty good, just make sure you're judging and I'll definitely be bringing home the trophy and crown. Although we may have to dine and dash at Mrs Miggin's pie shop because I'm a bit broke at the moment. As long as theres no pesky traffic cones laid out in a strategic pattern any show dog would be proud of circumnavigating in my way I'm sure we'll be able to run off without any problems.

oomska wrote: Sorry about that .. stupid zip is busted on me jeans :wink:


You might want to get that fixed before your judging of the lovely girrells contest, you don't want to panic the rest of the girrells. Or reduce them to hysterical laughter. ;) :lol:
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by oomska » Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:58 am

Quite possibly one of the wittiest postings by half I have read by far in a long while :lol: :lol: .. well done you :thumbup:

We should be writing for the less preachy Watchtower pamphlet, that should spice things up a bit on suburban doorsteps across this fupping plaid country and all the smart young leafleting gangs who normally terrorise neighbourhoods may end up receiving an unexpected warm welcome with a come in do, an almond slice, tea in a China cup and a free copy of the local map to all the dogging sites ... anyway right, thats it, Iam off to join the church, the circus or the W.I, whoever will have me ... :drunk:

Hmm .. Ectoplasm eh .. Cant remember but is that the same as Beelzebub`s extra strength glue? (Iam sure the instructions state ... "pierce hole carefully then squeeze near the base") :lol: 1:1 , I believe :mrgreen:


Is there much more room in your imagination so we can all come and live with the happiness dragons, the naughty Sister Asumptas and all the devilish red hot pokers we can handle and totally fuck this reality nonsense right off ? :thumbup:
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Re: day one of unemployment

PostPosted by Ellietronic » Sun Aug 11, 2013 2:11 pm

Thank you very much, I would say all my hard work and effort paid off but in reality there is no effort put into the mad load of bollocks I say, it seems being an idiot comes completely natural to me. :lol:

Writing for the Watchtower might be interesting, I know where the local dogging place round here is so I'm already half qualified for the job. I may put it to the Witnesses next time they come to my door.

I do hope you join the WI, aren't they the ones that do the nudey calendars? You could be Miss January, getting the year off to an erotic start with you holding some freshly baked cakes in front of your bits as you smile sweetly, and you'd be pinned up in kitchens all over the country making all the ladies swoon as they reach for their egg whisks and pans. :thumbup:

"Pierce hole carefully then squeeze near the base"?!? The sounds painful. Your genitals must be in one heck of a bad state. It's a good job they'll be hidden by cakes for your WI calendar photo. :lol:

You're welcome to come and live in Ellie's world if you want, it contains such fun if you like getting naked to Pink Floyd, comparing handbags while drinking tea, and stroking friendly cows lying on the side of the road, but it's a bit full. There's plenty of room for something small to join though, something the size of a little grey squirrel and his fat red mate would fit in excellently.

Just to cheer you up from this reality bollocks, here is a picture of a drunken me rubbing my face over my beautiful kitty cat, Miss Socks, because she is so cute she always cheers me up, especially when I bury my face in her soft fur. Isn't she beautiful? She's like a piece of cat-shaped velvet. I tried rubbing my face on her tummy once but she dug her claws into the back of my head and made me bleed so ever since then I've rubbed my face on her side, it's much less painful.

Image

Just realised this may be responded to with a joke about me with my face in a hairy pussy, so I'm saving you the time by mentioning it here. You're welcome. :lol:
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