AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

Vent spleen here.

AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by oomska » Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:34 am

This is horrible, more horrible than not getting my copy of escalator shoes monthly and missing the pull out section on the extra grip plimsole with full arch support, Arthur Askey predicted this would happen, i put all my trust in a whimsicle old lady with tied back hair, en suite bi-focals and a lilac and vannilla essence apron just for dynamic proportions.
She looked like she could knit a small detached maisonette in an evening complete with button down collars and underfloor heating, but she let me down gi-massively when i bought her fucking shitty beef extract laden pastry bags, she stands there all farmhouse like and beckoning with her flour coated kneady hands and i was hungry after working down the frog harvesting pit for 12 hours.
I expected a home based cooked full of meat pie and all i got was gravy satchel that deflated upon fork penetration, it was like eating a curry shit, I hope she spontaneously combusts and her dog eats the remains of her legs which would be far tastier than her fucked up recipe pies.
After calling in at the chippie i managed to get my copy of drip tray weekly which calmed me down to gas mark 3


For sale ;
1 x paperback book on how to laze about the house and do absolutely bugger all, £5.00 o.n.o , no time wasters please
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.`.
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PostPosted by McFuck » Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:13 am

:lol:
Don't attempt anything without the gloves.
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PostPosted by Withwine and I » Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:25 pm

Next time just ask them to deep fry your special.
They found him wandering round Regent's Park with a cheap bottle of sherry...

And like a fool I mixed them and it strangled up my mind, and now people just get uglier and I have no sense of time...
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by oomska » Wed May 20, 2009 10:20 pm

If you see this woman, do not help her across the road, do not open up a conversation about the weather, do not discuss the fact that Edna at number 33 has not cleaned her step or changed her curtains for 4 days, she is evil and will have you opening jars of pickles in her bedroom before you can say pension book,
Just shoot on sight, .. you have been warned

Image
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by jeff wode » Fri May 22, 2009 11:03 am

ha ha ha. entirely self inflicted and i don't sympathise a bit. if you cant make yorkshire pudding/batter mix yourself, then you absolutely deserve to be fucking poisoned by the vile looking site that is aunt bessies pre frozen part cooked shapeless dog turd cases. serves you fucking right. the truth is, it will have taken you longer to type your rant than it would take to make proper batter mix. shame on you oomska, aunt bessie is probably a smiling faced front for a huge multinational petro-chemical conglomerate anyhow, and youve just given them a few more quid to continue to produce their vile looking products. its fucking plastic fake food for the plastic fake generation. you probably served it up with a pre cooked foil wrapped steak and some par cooked boil in the bag veg. and then complain that it doesnt taste home cooked! what the fuck did you expect!
"imagine the size of his balls!"
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by oomska » Fri May 22, 2009 4:13 pm

I knew I should have had the Beluga caviar and Truffles in a bernaise sauce, boil in the bag of course, alas this wont save Aunt Bessie from her impending fate as The hit man has been hired and there is no going back now
.`. `. .


.`.
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by jeff wode » Tue May 26, 2009 9:44 am

how will he do her in then?



a good battering? :D :D :D
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by Parkin » Sat May 30, 2009 12:06 am

I like her crimple chips,.. the chips with the crimples in them,.. are they called that,..
it don't sound right :? ,..
Not the straight cut ones I mean.

Also,.. A pack of Her 12 Yorkshire Puddings served with gravy is a good meal. 8)
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by jeff wode » Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:03 am

who the fuck buys crinkle cut, or for that matter, any frozen chips? paying someone else to make you a food that only has one actual ingredient anyway is the height of fucking idleness!!!
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by Lostat » Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:59 pm

I tried feeding a friend's dog her "Toad in the Hole" ages ago, no surprise that the dog whimpered at it and didn't eat any of it. Doesn't her face look really fucking evil, as in "hidden" evil sort of way, in that picture?
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by oomska » Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:41 pm

Lostat wrote: Doesn't her face look really fucking evil, as in "hidden" evil sort of way, in that picture?



Yeah, its the type of face that even if her head was on upside down it would still look the same , evil bitch!
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by crooked » Wed Dec 01, 2010 5:30 am

I believe that's what we in the Internet trade refer to as an 'epic bump'.
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Re: AUNT BESSIE MUST DIE, OR SIMILAR

PostPosted by oomska » Wed Dec 01, 2010 1:58 pm

crooked wrote:I believe that's what we in the Internet trade refer to as an 'epic bump'.


Yes an immense bump worthy of deploying front and side airbags. shirley I can have just the one

Trust you to notice :D
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