1. Anything with Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Keira "Underfangs" Knightley, Dennis Quaid, Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme, Rowan Atkinson, or Drew Barrymore.
2. Any comedy film that's made in America.
3. The first "Hunger Games" film sucked huge saveloy because of the constant jittering, shaking camera - it was like trying to watch a film in an earthquake. Ridiculous. Sad, because I enjoyed the books.
4. The American version of the "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" series... the REAL, original version made in Sweden, starring Noomi Rapace, completely ROCKED. Why do they try and fuck with a perfect original? Idiots. Also, Daniel Craig looks like a monkey.
5. The Jim Carrey remake of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". People, really? Do. Not. Fuck. With. A. Perfect. Original. Film. Period. And that also goes for the purported plans to make another animated version of that film, which I will never watch because (see above).
6. All films that drag you through a slow two hours in the hopes that you might actually find out what they're on about, and then end with someone halfway through a sentence and the screen goes black. And you're sitting there like an arse, waiting for something else to happen, and then suddenly you're looking at the credits, and you realize that they've just stolen two hours of your life that you'll never get back again. Existential bullshit.
7. The most recent Iron Man flick. The most recent Indiana Jones flick. The most recent "any series that's been going on way too long and should have been shut down after the first sequel" flick. What is it with the film industry and beating dead horses?
... followed by yet another anecdote about his sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman, who had red hair and a book of poetry stained with the butter drips from crumpets.