Ok this may sound a tiny, tiny bit crass and insensitive, but I can`t help it its what I do best, so if you are easily offended please leave the room and put minors to bed......and furthermore there will be no flash photography during this communication.
In my humbugged opinion, Christmas day should be renamed thus .... Socially obliged to give and receive useless tat - day
... now are you with me, its just that not once have I seen Iceland, M&S or any big conglomerate give a mention to the late and great baby Jesu` who allegedly voluntarily sacrificed himself on the cross just so we could cram as much food and drink down our throats until our livers swell to the size of Beyonce`s arse until it bursts all over the cat or so we get to see who is going to receive the latest I tablet game pad nanu gobbler phone bollocks 23iix from Argos with a £5 money off gift voucher .... fuck all this consumerist twaddle and fuck you Boney M, I just thank my local God that at least he made me an Atheist and by the way at the same time starved all those poor innocent African babies and gave them AIDS ... well done sir.
Right, now where is my anti Santa outfit, I`m off to the grotto to share my worldly wisdom with some needy 8 year old brats, dont tell anyone but secretly I am hoping Santa falls off his sleigh and his reindeer horrifically gore the old duffer with their antlers anyway it may just save him from the shame to come when the media and police come calling at 6am and confiscate his computer in a sealed plastic bag as the way things have been going on lately with all these BBC celebs ... ahem ahem, now that would make for a really alternate xmas play, and before you start shouting at your computer screen you beast how could you say that, just think nobody would have thought that of Saville and his cronies, and all the signs are there ..I mean come on ... he sneaks into family homes in the middle of the night, always hanging around children giving out freebies as enticements to sit on his lap and all in a "charitable" way and then suddenly disappears under the radar for a while to let the dust settle, and we will all be saying tut tut how did we not realise what was going on?
Anyway Im not buying any presents until after the world ends on the 21st, so thanks to the Mayans for that .....Now I wonder what the mayan Calendar would have looked like for 2013, I definately would like to have seen 12 months of colour pictures of the human sacrifices of the One direction plebs, and Decembers could have been a mass "live" human sacrifice of all the X factor contestants.
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